Counting down to the end of the school year is a pretty normal thing, but this year is a bit different in that our weeks really are numbered, and the finality of leaving at the end of the school year settles in a bit more with each week crossed off the calendar. While those in the USA still have quite a few weeks to chug through, my count is quite a bit different: one week and a day.
Now, after that one week and day are several weeks of packing and events, a couple more weeks of introducing the new teacher and showing him the quirks found in this specific English school program, Easter celebrations, farewell parties, and more...so I keep telling myself that I don't have to get out the tissues yet. :) But this last week and the coming week and a day have already had some of the bitter-sweetness of goodbyes and thank yous and attempts to express relationships that are so hard to express.
I've done this before--said goodbye in Japan--and so I know a few things about myself in this situation:
1). It's good to prepare something to say in both languages--healthy for me and good for others.
2). It will be tempting for me to sink into the depressing mire of thinking that goes something like, "I can't possibly say anything meaningful like I want to say...this student probably doesn't feel so close to me anyway...I should really just give a hug or a handshake and let it go...better yet, just kind of slide out of his or her life unawares..."
I'm not sure why that's tempting for me, but it is...and though I know it's not a good way to go, sometimes I just can't shake off a sadness that seems to choke all of my words outside of my regular teaching. In the midst of this, though, God gave me a gift this week...this second-to-last week, before the goodbyes start to be in earnest.
Because of various schedules, I knew that one of my classes this week would only be myself and one other older lady who speaks very little English, but is a faithful student who tries to communicate very boldly. I've known her for maybe a couple of years now, and we've shared enough for me to know that she has been taking care of her mother for the last few years. This last year especially has been more of a struggle, and some times we've talked about things like losing sleep at night because her mother gets up a lot, setting good guidelines in the house, preparing food and laundry, etc. For a few weeks my student was feeling ill herself, but still grimly attended English class, saying, "This is my only time in the week. I have to come here."
She walked into class this week with her daughter, which surprised me, but I invited them both in and we chatted pleasantly for almost the whole class time. Her daughter's English was fantastic, and my student would use her daughter to say a few things and ask me some questions that she couldn't have asked me by herself. At the end of class they asked if they could take some pictures with me and leave a few minutes early to get lunch together, and we laughed through the pictures. My student was gathering up her coat and bag when her daughter turned to me with a serious face and said, "I just wanted to get the chance to talk to you and say thank you. You know how our situation with my mother and grandmother has really been difficult this year. This class has meant so much to my mother, and I really want to thank you for that."
Her words caught me by surprise, and then both of us had tears in our eyes--tears because we are both daughters, even if she is Japanese and I'm American.
I'm still surprised by the whole exchange, even though it's a few days later. Her words were spoken with such purpose--I knew that her whole reason for coming with her mother was caught up in those final few sentences and a thank you. The fact that she took the time to come and speak them is something that I appreciate immensely--and a good reminder for me to speak to my students and friends about goodbyes. To say thank you. To remember together. To speak about the future.
So...into the next "last" week and day. :)
